Have you been trying to create change for a while now (months? years?) and keep finding yourself in the same place? We've all been there! As a certified hypnotist, I know that understanding how your mind works is key to breaking self-defeating patterns and finding your way forward. So how to know when you are getting in your own way and sabotaging yourself? Here are 9 signs (and explanations)!
 
1. Have you desired the same thing for a long time now without getting it? This hints at cyclical, repeating patterns of behavior, which often occur because of our ingrained, automatic responses to challenge and obstacles.

2. Do you tend to compare yourself constantly to others and repeatedly come to the conclusion that you are somehow a lower value than other people? “Comparison-itis” is a fun, modern word that defines the not-so-fun tendency we have to measure ourselves against others. If you do this a lot, and find yourself coming up short, it is likely you may not believe you have what it takes to get what you want, which can cause you to behave in just that way.

3. Do you tend to hyper focus on everything that is going wrong as opposed to everything that is going right? Very, very few of us can make changes without at least something NOT going the way we planned. So in other words, things are almost guaranteed to go wrong while you are working to make them right. When – not if – that happens, the only way to keep yourself moving forward is by focusing on what is going right. Focusing on what is going wrong I easier to do, and unfortunately this also just tends to scare you from moving forward.

4. Do you notice repeating patterns in your life where something often happens that prevents you from getting what you want? Again, this can hint at repeating patterns in your life, and repeating patterns give us the same results over and over again. In order to move forward, we must find the place of personal power where we are repeating and change the behavior.

5.Do you frequently procrastinate?  This is probably the most famous and well-known sign! Yep, procrastination is avoidance. If you are avoiding what you know will move you forward and get you what you want, you are definitely getting in your own way. But you probably knew that already!

6.Do you often get distracted from doing things that will move you closer to what you want? Distraction, like procrastination, is another form of avoidance, which is behavior that is designed to keep you from moving towards what you want.

7. Do you believe that you would have what you want in your life if it weren't for other people, your family, your genetics, other outside people and other things? While outside obstacles are very real, are they useful? You could just throw up your hands and say, “I can’t get that because of all the things that are in my way.” But will that make you happy? And for every person who claims that, there are several more with the same obstacles in their way that overcame them. Blaming outside obstacles is a way to keep yourself where you are and not move forward.

8.When you want to try something new, are you prone to worrying or imagining the worst case scenario? Again, you must focus on what is going right and what could go right in order to move forward. Focusing on what is going wrong will just keep you stuck, afraid to disrupt anything.

9.Do you struggle with life purpose or direction, even after spending time to determine that?  If you have struggled with finding life purpose or direction for a long time, even after spending time to determine it, you may just be in your own way. It’s not unusual for us to approach our life purpose through a lens of perfectionism, wanting to figure out our “perfect” purpose and the ”perfect” job and the “perfect” path. The most important thing is to move, and often you may not realize the right direction until you’ve picked just any direction. If you are obsessing over which way to go, you are getting in your own way. Move first, and you’ll find where you really want to go.
 
If you suspect you are getting in your own way, check out our free online program “Stop Holding Yourself Back!” at www.newworldcoaching.org .

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​ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org  .

​Most of us have goals that we are aiming for or that we want to achieve. However if you find that you are just spinning your wheels, not making any progress whatsoever, running against the same issues over and over and over again and trying to achieve the same goal for a long time, I want to ask if – hear me out! – you could be actually standing in your own way.
As a certified consulting hypnotist, I know that our brains are crazy and interesting things, and that we often can play dual roles of main character and archenemy in our lives.

I’d like to ask you a few questions. 

1. Have you desired the same thing for a long time now without getting it?

2. Do you tend to compare yourself constantly to others and repeatedly come to the conclusion that you are somehow a lower value than other people?

3. Do you tend to hyper focus on everything that is going wrong as opposed to everything that is going right?

4. Do you notice repeating patterns in your life where something often happens that prevents you from getting what you want?

5.Do you frequently procrastinate?

6.Do you often get distracted from doing things that will move you closer to what you want?

7. Do you believe that you would have what you want in your life if it weren't for other people, your family, your genetics, other outside people and other things?

8.When you want to try something new, are you prone to worrying or imagining the worst case scenario?

9.Do you struggle with life purpose or direction, even after spending time to determine that?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, especially three or more, it's most likely that you are kind of getting in your own way.
 
So how can this happen?

Well it all comes down to the two parts of your mind – the conscious and the unconscious. When you plan and strategize on what you want to do, you are using your conscious mind. Now, the closer you get to what you want, the farther away you are moving from what is familiar.

​Your unconscious mind, however, loves what is familiar, and will pull you back into it with unconscious actions. To the unconscious, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.
 
Anytime you are trying to pull yourself out of your comfort zone, that part of your mind is likely to want to pull you back and stop your forward movement.
 
Though self-sabotaging behaviors can look different for everyone, some common ones include:

• Overthinking
• Procrastinating
• Feeling ill
• Getting into fights and creating/attracting drama

 
Feeling ill is a big one for me. It took me a while to get wise to what my mind likes to pull, but often when it is time for me to do something scary or uncomfortable to move myself forward, I may get a headache, feel a little lightheaded or “just need to lie down” for a while. I noticed that this would only happen in certain situations. I began to dialogue with my mind, thanking it for trying to keep me safe, but telling it firmly that I’m well, I choose to be well thank you very much, and it’s time to move into a better chapter.
In order to move past the point where you always get stuck, it’s important to recognize what unconscious fear-reactive behavior (AKA self-sabotage) looks like for you.
 
 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org  .

You know the classic advice for changing your life for the better.

Go to school.

Study hard, train, hard and do it all over again, right?

But the truth is, if that's all there is to it, why are there so many well-trained, well-educated, hard-working women who are so unfulfilled in life?

As a certified hypnotist and mindset expert, I know that confidence has everything to do with the type of career you have, the type of lifestyle that you have, what you go for, what you feel like you can go for and actually achieve, and of course ultimately what you do achieve.

After all, confidence is how well you feel that you handle the unknown. Confidence is all about your relationship to the unknown, and most likely the change that you want is to be found in the unknown.

A while ago, I read a book called The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What Women Should Know by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.
 
It changed my life and forever changed how I look at how confidence can develop.
We are so often conditioned and shaped to be a certain way to please others, and though this traditional difference can be a beautiful thing, it can also cause intentional and unintentional side effects.
 
For example, traditionally, males are often permitted to have desires and to aggressively pursue them. They're actually praised for pursuing achievements and taking action.

​Now, on the other hand, females are often traditionally raised to avoid conflict and to be accommodating. They're more often encouraged to be neat and nice, kind and good.
They're more often discouraged from being aggressive and having worldly desires. And they're often praised more for qualities that are passive such as beauty, kindness, obedience, etc.
 
And how does that affect us?
 
Well, we're finding as this tends to increase male confidence more especially when it comes to going after things that you want, honoring your boundaries, asserting yourself and seeking and comfortably wielding power.


Women, on the other hand, often are more likely to hold back, to want perfection before any action is taken, and to doubt themselves. Women will tend to self-doubt themselves more often and this can go directly back to the way we are raised.

What can we possibly do about?

#1. Well, first of all, I want you to Number One have self-compassion for yourself. Societal conditioning is an old, old game, and though there can be beauty in tradition, there is a lot of fear that can go into society’s shaping of you. But the good news is that you can change beginning right now.
 
 
#2.  It’s time to give yourself permission to go after what you want.
Deciding that you deserve and desire to have more, to stick up for yourself and to go after what you want may feel very uncomfortable for you because you are countering previous conditioning. If you struggle to do this, you may need to work on giving yourself permission to thrive and play bigger and bolder.

#3. Learn to manage your negative and fearful thoughts. When you change, negative thoughts may occur to pull you back down to where you were. Learn to manage them and develop a plan to deal with them.
#4. When you take action towards what you want, no matter how small, praise yourself! Praise and self-praise is the antidote to low confidence and low self-esteem.
 
#5.  Do something every day, every week, every month, that scares you and praise yourself for doing so.

​In our formative years, we have little say in how we are shaped. But your mind is a force to be reckoned with, and you have the power and the ability to make changes to yourself that benefit you, your family and your life.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org  .

January.

This is a time where people look back at the year that came before and look at their lives and say:

"I really want more for myself."

"I don't want to repeat the same things over and over."

"I want something different but I'm not really sure what."

"I'm not really sure what I want to do. I know I'm here to do something. I know I'm here to make a difference. I know I'm here to have a bigger reason, to make a bigger change, to really feel good about what I'm doing… but I don't know what. I don't know how to uncover that."

As a certified consulting hypnotist and a transformational coach, I actually believe that you arrived here more than likely kind of knowing the answer to this.  Society often sows in seeds of self-doubt, causing you to forget, or to cover up, or to deny yourself and to deny your inner voice.

To best uncover what you are here to do, I want to ask you some questions. And I’d like you to block off at least an hour if not half a day when you're not doing anything that important. Pick a Saturday or Sunday or a day off where it's raining outside, and get a journal, have some nice comfortable instrumental music on, grab your favorite beverage - your herbal tea, your coffee, your cappuccino, your decaf, your hot chocolate, your lemon water - whatever works for you and just get nice and comfortable.

THE QUESTIONS
 
PASSIONS
 
1. What did you want to be when you were about 7 years old? What did you most like doing when you were 7 years old? (The answers to this question often point us to an intersection of our most natural strengths and oldest, deep-rooted passions. If you still feel yourself light up around these things, you’ve hit onto something that could be very fulfilling.) 

2. What do you MOST DISLIKE about your current job? (This shows us what we don’t want to deal with in our ideal career.)


3. What do you MOST LIKE about your current job? Why do you like it?
 

STRENGTHS
1. What are your strongest strengths in your current work? What do you know you are good at, and what have coworkers, supervisors  and customers complimented you on? 

2. What were your strongest strengths in your past work, relationships and school? What have past employers, teachers, childhood authority figures, parents and friends complimented you on?


LIFESTYLE VALUES

1. In a perfect world, what career would you love to have, regardless of obstacles such as age or availability. (For example, if you say, “I’d love to be an astronaut, BUT I can’t…” then your answer is astronaut.)


2. Why do you want this? What about that career(s) draws you? Name as much as possible. (For example, you may be drawn to an astronaut career because it’s exciting. Why is it so exciting to you? You may say because you get to see things and experience things most people don’t, and there’s danger involved, which makes you feel alive. Or maybe because you love the extreme science of rockets and outer space. Now you’re hitting on something. Keep digging deeper and name as many things as possible in as much detail as possible.)


3. Now take a look at the reasons you are attracted to that dream job in the previous question.  Are there other careers that can give you what you are seeking? (For example, if you love the idea of seeing things few people see and having a more adventurous and dangerous profession, what other career paths could also give you that? If you are excited by science and outer space, what other careers could give you access to that? Etc.)


4. How do you want to spend a lot of your time? (i.e. Do you like being solitary? Do you like being more social and being a part of a team? Do you want to manage people and be a decision maker for a company and take more risks? Do you like to have tasks given to you so you know what to do and just do that? Etc.)


WORLD LEGACY 
 
1.. In your opinion, what are the biggest problems facing the world today?

2. In  your opinion, what are some possible solutions for these problems?

3. Is there anything that you can do NOW or in the short term future to help?

4. What do you want people to say about you after you’re gone? Who/what groups would you like to honor you?


Your purpose lies at the intersection of your passions, your strengths, the type of lifestyle you most value and what change you most want to see in the world. You could even find your purpose and direction in just ONE of these categories, or just two or three. 

Once you have you answers, start with what really excites you and move towards it. Don't worry about being perfect. I believe that life is meant to be experimental and constantly in flux. Your direction many change many times over the course of your life. 

The most important thing - and the most interesting and fun thing - is to pick a direction and MOVE towards it to see what adventures and places and people that path brings you, like an explorer.

These questions are a great place to really get down to your inner fire, i.e. what moves you, motivates you, magnetizes you, lights you up and what you really, really want to do. From the truthful answers that arise can come a path and a map to a very fulfilling, satisfying and exciting life that is made just for you.



​ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org  .

You may know the feeling.

Racing heart.

Feeling as though you can't breathe.

Sweating all over your body.

Just really needing to escape the situation that you're in.

If you've experienced some or all of these sensations, then you definitely know what anxiety feels like. So, what is anxiety? Can it be cured?

Basically, it's fear. It's living in tension of something bad happening at any moment.

Anxiety can be a daily occurrence or it can only be triggered by certain situations such as flying, a doctor visit, needles, crowds, insects, animals, anything really.

Anxiety is a primitive ancestral trait.
 
It's basically a survival instinct that's passed down to you by your ancestors to help keep you alive. It's a deep deep part of your DNA, and it's there, basically, because it's useful.

You need some fear to survive life on earth or else.

Therefore, it should be there, and it will always be there in some form. It's kind of like having an alarm system on your house, right?

That alarm systems job is really to alert you to danger. But if that same alarm keeps going off every morning, every afternoon, every night, then it starts to disrupt your life because now you're always tired because you never sleep. And it starts disrupting your love life because it scares off every lover you bring to your house and you can't get the things done that you want to.

​Now it's become a problem and it really needs to be put in its place.

Anxiety is kind of like that.

Anxiety is often increased or decreased with your thoughts. It's very real, that physical emotions, especially, like anxiety happen on their own.

​Now, oftentimes these thoughts are unconscious and they run below the surface. So if we're not entirely certain of that, but if you don't take anything else away from this, I want you to remember that thoughts cause emotions and emotions cause physical sensations, and anxiety is increased or decreased with your thoughts.
 
Your body responds to the words and images in your head. So the next time your experiencing anxiety, try my TRU Method.  
 
T – THOUGHTS. Ask, “What thoughts could be creating my experience right now?”
R – REAL. Ask, “Is what I’m afraid of real?” You may find that they are just not realistic, and that they have a very unlikely chance of actually happening. Or, if you think you can justify a likelihood of your thoughts actually happening, move onto the next question, which is…
U – USEFUL. Ask, “Are these thoughts useful?” The likely answer with anxiety-inducing thoughts is a big NO. If this is the case, the time is now to replace them with thoughts that are going to help you.
Fear is a natural part of life, but no one should suffer with it in excessive amounts. With repetition and awareness, anxiety can become manageable and not stop you from living life on your terms.

Are you right now in a situation where you really need to do something, you just really have something you're trying to knock off your to-do list, but you're just feeling so so incredibly lazy.

It could be:

• Exercise
• looking for a new job
• starting the first step on your business, etc.

​
There's basically something you need to do but you just can't get motivated to do it.
I definitely have been there before. I know exactly what you're going through. As a certified hypnotist, I know that it’s our thoughts and often how we see ourselves and the world that determines our results (or lack of them), so I wanted to bring up some tips that can help you to move forward.

#1. The first thing (and this may be unexpected) is to not be yourself up! Okay, it's so important to be kind to yourself, as energy is meant to be cyclical, to ebb and flow. It's actually very, very natural and very, very normal to have moments of low energy and moments of high energy.

(And if you're spiritual, actually, there's a very interesting universal law called the Law of Rhythm. It says that there is a rhythm to everything. Nothing actually stays static at all times.) So number one, if you're experiencing that, congratulations, you're normal, you're natural, you're human, you're beautiful, you're perfect and you're working exactly in the way that you're supposed to!
If possible, you can always wait until your energy naturally builds back up again, which can be on a Monday or a Saturday or at the beginning of next month.

Also, remember that you respond best to praise. Don’t beat yourself up. Take care of and encourage yourself.

#2. Number two is to get your goal back back into your vision. Well, what will happen if you don't do this? What’s the pain? What pain are you moving towards if you don't do this and why is that a problem? What what's the worst is going to happen? What is likely to happen that's going to be bad? Write t it out.
And lean into the the flip side. Why are you doing this? What's the pleasure? What are the benefits? What are the wonderful things that this change is going to bring you? Put it where you can actually physically see it.

And one thing that really helps me, whenever I'm feeling lazy about something, physically, literally getting my goal in my vision. Watch other people do it. Exercise is a perfect example. When I’m feeling lazy about getting my workout in, I like to watch people exercise on YouTube and especially people that are excited about it and loving it. Just watching that and watching them do it makes me want to do it too.

#3. Number three is to start with small micro-steps. Okay? Ask:

• What’s most important? Start there.
• What's the absolute bare minimum? Start there.
• Then schedule it!

Also, find an accountability buddy. That actually could be your first micro step right there, just finding someone to be like, “Hey, this is what I want to do. I'm struggling getting motivated. Can you help me? Can we help each other? Maybe we can work together on our goals and move forward,” and that might be the very first little micro step that you take.

And finally, it's important to remember mass in motion. I believe it's an old saying about physics, but a body in motion tends to stay in motion, and a body that is at rest tends to stay at rest.
You just have to put more energy into getting started again from a standstill than you would to keep moving. That’s just the way it is, and the more you do it, the easier and more natural it will feel.

A NOTE ON DEPRESSION: Depression is often defined as a longer term feeling of unexcitement about things that used to excite you, and feeling sad and feeling unmotivated to an extent where it actually is affecting you and negatively and long-term.

If you would like to work on your motivation and achieve goals faster and easier, hypnosis is a powerful and effective method to do just that.
 
Book a free consultation with me today!