You know the classic advice for changing your life for the better. Go to school. Study hard, train, hard and do it all over again, right? But the truth is, if that's all there is to it, why are there so many well-trained, well-educated, hard-working women who are so unfulfilled in life? As a certified hypnotist and mindset expert, I know that confidence has everything to do with the type of career you have, the type of lifestyle that you have, what you go for, what you feel like you can go for and actually achieve, and of course ultimately what you do achieve. After all, confidence is how well you feel that you handle the unknown. Confidence is all about your relationship to the unknown, and most likely the change that you want is to be found in the unknown. A while ago, I read a book called The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What Women Should Know by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. It changed my life and forever changed how I look at how confidence can develop. We are so often conditioned and shaped to be a certain way to please others, and though this traditional difference can be a beautiful thing, it can also cause intentional and unintentional side effects. For example, traditionally, males are often permitted to have desires and to aggressively pursue them. They're actually praised for pursuing achievements and taking action. Now, on the other hand, females are often traditionally raised to avoid conflict and to be accommodating. They're more often encouraged to be neat and nice, kind and good. They're more often discouraged from being aggressive and having worldly desires. And they're often praised more for qualities that are passive such as beauty, kindness, obedience, etc. And how does that affect us? Well, we're finding as this tends to increase male confidence more especially when it comes to going after things that you want, honoring your boundaries, asserting yourself and seeking and comfortably wielding power. Women, on the other hand, often are more likely to hold back, to want perfection before any action is taken, and to doubt themselves. Women will tend to self-doubt themselves more often and this can go directly back to the way we are raised. What can we possibly do about? #1. Well, first of all, I want you to Number One have self-compassion for yourself. Societal conditioning is an old, old game, and though there can be beauty in tradition, there is a lot of fear that can go into society’s shaping of you. But the good news is that you can change beginning right now. #2. It’s time to give yourself permission to go after what you want. Deciding that you deserve and desire to have more, to stick up for yourself and to go after what you want may feel very uncomfortable for you because you are countering previous conditioning. If you struggle to do this, you may need to work on giving yourself permission to thrive and play bigger and bolder. #3. Learn to manage your negative and fearful thoughts. When you change, negative thoughts may occur to pull you back down to where you were. Learn to manage them and develop a plan to deal with them. #4. When you take action towards what you want, no matter how small, praise yourself! Praise and self-praise is the antidote to low confidence and low self-esteem. #5. Do something every day, every week, every month, that scares you and praise yourself for doing so. In our formative years, we have little say in how we are shaped. But your mind is a force to be reckoned with, and you have the power and the ability to make changes to yourself that benefit you, your family and your life. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org .
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January.
This is a time where people look back at the year that came before and look at their lives and say: "I really want more for myself." "I don't want to repeat the same things over and over." "I want something different but I'm not really sure what." "I'm not really sure what I want to do. I know I'm here to do something. I know I'm here to make a difference. I know I'm here to have a bigger reason, to make a bigger change, to really feel good about what I'm doing… but I don't know what. I don't know how to uncover that." As a certified consulting hypnotist and a transformational coach, I actually believe that you arrived here more than likely kind of knowing the answer to this. Society often sows in seeds of self-doubt, causing you to forget, or to cover up, or to deny yourself and to deny your inner voice. To best uncover what you are here to do, I want to ask you some questions. And I’d like you to block off at least an hour if not half a day when you're not doing anything that important. Pick a Saturday or Sunday or a day off where it's raining outside, and get a journal, have some nice comfortable instrumental music on, grab your favorite beverage - your herbal tea, your coffee, your cappuccino, your decaf, your hot chocolate, your lemon water - whatever works for you and just get nice and comfortable. THE QUESTIONS PASSIONS 1. What did you want to be when you were about 7 years old? What did you most like doing when you were 7 years old? (The answers to this question often point us to an intersection of our most natural strengths and oldest, deep-rooted passions. If you still feel yourself light up around these things, you’ve hit onto something that could be very fulfilling.) 2. What do you MOST DISLIKE about your current job? (This shows us what we don’t want to deal with in our ideal career.) 3. What do you MOST LIKE about your current job? Why do you like it? STRENGTHS 1. What are your strongest strengths in your current work? What do you know you are good at, and what have coworkers, supervisors and customers complimented you on? 2. What were your strongest strengths in your past work, relationships and school? What have past employers, teachers, childhood authority figures, parents and friends complimented you on? LIFESTYLE VALUES 1. In a perfect world, what career would you love to have, regardless of obstacles such as age or availability. (For example, if you say, “I’d love to be an astronaut, BUT I can’t…” then your answer is astronaut.) 2. Why do you want this? What about that career(s) draws you? Name as much as possible. (For example, you may be drawn to an astronaut career because it’s exciting. Why is it so exciting to you? You may say because you get to see things and experience things most people don’t, and there’s danger involved, which makes you feel alive. Or maybe because you love the extreme science of rockets and outer space. Now you’re hitting on something. Keep digging deeper and name as many things as possible in as much detail as possible.) 3. Now take a look at the reasons you are attracted to that dream job in the previous question. Are there other careers that can give you what you are seeking? (For example, if you love the idea of seeing things few people see and having a more adventurous and dangerous profession, what other career paths could also give you that? If you are excited by science and outer space, what other careers could give you access to that? Etc.) 4. How do you want to spend a lot of your time? (i.e. Do you like being solitary? Do you like being more social and being a part of a team? Do you want to manage people and be a decision maker for a company and take more risks? Do you like to have tasks given to you so you know what to do and just do that? Etc.) WORLD LEGACY 1.. In your opinion, what are the biggest problems facing the world today? 2. In your opinion, what are some possible solutions for these problems? 3. Is there anything that you can do NOW or in the short term future to help? 4. What do you want people to say about you after you’re gone? Who/what groups would you like to honor you? Your purpose lies at the intersection of your passions, your strengths, the type of lifestyle you most value and what change you most want to see in the world. You could even find your purpose and direction in just ONE of these categories, or just two or three. Once you have you answers, start with what really excites you and move towards it. Don't worry about being perfect. I believe that life is meant to be experimental and constantly in flux. Your direction many change many times over the course of your life. The most important thing - and the most interesting and fun thing - is to pick a direction and MOVE towards it to see what adventures and places and people that path brings you, like an explorer. These questions are a great place to really get down to your inner fire, i.e. what moves you, motivates you, magnetizes you, lights you up and what you really, really want to do. From the truthful answers that arise can come a path and a map to a very fulfilling, satisfying and exciting life that is made just for you. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org . You may know the feeling. Racing heart. Feeling as though you can't breathe. Sweating all over your body. Just really needing to escape the situation that you're in. If you've experienced some or all of these sensations, then you definitely know what anxiety feels like. So, what is anxiety? Can it be cured? Basically, it's fear. It's living in tension of something bad happening at any moment. Anxiety can be a daily occurrence or it can only be triggered by certain situations such as flying, a doctor visit, needles, crowds, insects, animals, anything really. Anxiety is a primitive ancestral trait. It's basically a survival instinct that's passed down to you by your ancestors to help keep you alive. It's a deep deep part of your DNA, and it's there, basically, because it's useful. You need some fear to survive life on earth or else. Therefore, it should be there, and it will always be there in some form. It's kind of like having an alarm system on your house, right? That alarm systems job is really to alert you to danger. But if that same alarm keeps going off every morning, every afternoon, every night, then it starts to disrupt your life because now you're always tired because you never sleep. And it starts disrupting your love life because it scares off every lover you bring to your house and you can't get the things done that you want to. Now it's become a problem and it really needs to be put in its place. Anxiety is kind of like that. Anxiety is often increased or decreased with your thoughts. It's very real, that physical emotions, especially, like anxiety happen on their own. Now, oftentimes these thoughts are unconscious and they run below the surface. So if we're not entirely certain of that, but if you don't take anything else away from this, I want you to remember that thoughts cause emotions and emotions cause physical sensations, and anxiety is increased or decreased with your thoughts. Your body responds to the words and images in your head. So the next time your experiencing anxiety, try my TRU Method. T – THOUGHTS. Ask, “What thoughts could be creating my experience right now?” R – REAL. Ask, “Is what I’m afraid of real?” You may find that they are just not realistic, and that they have a very unlikely chance of actually happening. Or, if you think you can justify a likelihood of your thoughts actually happening, move onto the next question, which is… U – USEFUL. Ask, “Are these thoughts useful?” The likely answer with anxiety-inducing thoughts is a big NO. If this is the case, the time is now to replace them with thoughts that are going to help you. Fear is a natural part of life, but no one should suffer with it in excessive amounts. With repetition and awareness, anxiety can become manageable and not stop you from living life on your terms. Are you right now in a situation where you really need to do something, you just really have something you're trying to knock off your to-do list, but you're just feeling so so incredibly lazy.
It could be:
There's basically something you need to do but you just can't get motivated to do it. I definitely have been there before. I know exactly what you're going through. As a certified hypnotist, I know that it’s our thoughts and often how we see ourselves and the world that determines our results (or lack of them), so I wanted to bring up some tips that can help you to move forward. #1. The first thing (and this may be unexpected) is to not be yourself up! Okay, it's so important to be kind to yourself, as energy is meant to be cyclical, to ebb and flow. It's actually very, very natural and very, very normal to have moments of low energy and moments of high energy. (And if you're spiritual, actually, there's a very interesting universal law called the Law of Rhythm. It says that there is a rhythm to everything. Nothing actually stays static at all times.) So number one, if you're experiencing that, congratulations, you're normal, you're natural, you're human, you're beautiful, you're perfect and you're working exactly in the way that you're supposed to! If possible, you can always wait until your energy naturally builds back up again, which can be on a Monday or a Saturday or at the beginning of next month. Also, remember that you respond best to praise. Don’t beat yourself up. Take care of and encourage yourself. #2. Number two is to get your goal back back into your vision. Well, what will happen if you don't do this? What’s the pain? What pain are you moving towards if you don't do this and why is that a problem? What what's the worst is going to happen? What is likely to happen that's going to be bad? Write t it out. And lean into the the flip side. Why are you doing this? What's the pleasure? What are the benefits? What are the wonderful things that this change is going to bring you? Put it where you can actually physically see it. And one thing that really helps me, whenever I'm feeling lazy about something, physically, literally getting my goal in my vision. Watch other people do it. Exercise is a perfect example. When I’m feeling lazy about getting my workout in, I like to watch people exercise on YouTube and especially people that are excited about it and loving it. Just watching that and watching them do it makes me want to do it too. #3. Number three is to start with small micro-steps. Okay? Ask:
Also, find an accountability buddy. That actually could be your first micro step right there, just finding someone to be like, “Hey, this is what I want to do. I'm struggling getting motivated. Can you help me? Can we help each other? Maybe we can work together on our goals and move forward,” and that might be the very first little micro step that you take. And finally, it's important to remember mass in motion. I believe it's an old saying about physics, but a body in motion tends to stay in motion, and a body that is at rest tends to stay at rest. You just have to put more energy into getting started again from a standstill than you would to keep moving. That’s just the way it is, and the more you do it, the easier and more natural it will feel. A NOTE ON DEPRESSION: Depression is often defined as a longer term feeling of unexcitement about things that used to excite you, and feeling sad and feeling unmotivated to an extent where it actually is affecting you and negatively and long-term. If you would like to work on your motivation and achieve goals faster and easier, hypnosis is a powerful and effective method to do just that. Book a free consultation with me today! |
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KESHA DENT, CERTIFIED HYPNOTISTKesha Dent is a certified hypnotist, certified RTT hypnotherapist, transformational coach and author of "Life Change Now: A 3-Step Guide to Manifesting What You Want Through the Magic of Being Who You Are". She helps professional adults to achieve life success, overcome anxiety, reignite their confidence and break out of their limitations to create a life of purpose, productivity and passion. You can find her at www.newworldcoaching.org . Archives
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