Over 40...and Over Giving: How to Stop Living for Others and Start Living for Yourself
- kesha96
- Apr 22
- 3 min read
How I Realized I Was Living for Everyone Else...But Myself
Beginning in my late 30s, I started to notice a lot of things shifting. Things that used to light me up? Not so much anymore.
Situations and roles that once made me feel happy and useful? I didn’t feel the same about them anymore.
And one big realization started to come into focus...I had spent the first few decades of my life living for everyone and everything else—but not for me.
I was always the nice girl…“Oh, I’m good, go ahead and take that. I don’t need anything for myself.”
I was the giving one…“What do YOU need today? No, please, don’t worry about me.”
I was the support role, the behind-the-scenes person…“I’m here to help you get what you want.”
I was the fiercely independent one…“I don’t need help. I’ve got it. I’m Miss Independent!”
I was the one afraid to ask for anything—because I needed to prove I was strong, low-maintenance, and not a burden. I was the team player, the helper, the one who waited quietly in the background for “someday.”
Someday, I thought, someone will notice. Someday, I’ll be rewarded for always being good. Someday, it’ll be my turn.
And then midlife arrived (and yes, I believe midlife starts in your late 30s). And I felt… empty. Sad. 😢Angry. 🤬
Because I woke up.
I realized I had been sold a story. One that told me to be quiet, cooperative, nurturing, humble, giving—to the point of invisibility.
And while I still love to support, heal, and uplift others (because that is absolutely who I am), I’ve learned this:
There are whole systems and people that thrive off women giving away their power. And if we’re not careful, we can go decades before realizing that we’ve given everything and received very little back.
So now, in this new chapter of life, I’m saying yes to me.
5 Ways to Reclaim Yourself When You've Been Living for Everyone Else
1. Ask Yourself: “What do I want?”
Not what’s practical. Not what’s expected.Not what looks good on paper or makes everyone else proud.
What do you want—deep down?What lights you up, excites you, feels like it’s calling your name?
Don’t judge the answer. Just let it come.
2. Create space to hear yourself again.
Between caregiving, work, partners, errands, and trying to stay “on” for everyone—we lose ourselves in the noise.
Start carving out space where you can actually hear your own voice again. Walks. Journaling. Silence. Meditation. No phone. No to-do list. Just you.
Because she’s still in there—and she’s ready to speak.
3. Identify what drains you.
You know that thing you dread every week? Or the relationship that leaves you feeling small and unseen? That job that eats your soul?
Yeah. That’s not sustainable.
Start paying attention. Where do you lose energy?And then… start setting boundaries. Small, consistent ones. You don’t need permission to protect your peace.
4. Reconnect with your inner child.
That version of you before all the responsibilities—before the titles, the expectations, the “shoulds.”
What did you love? What made you feel curious, free, creative, bold?
Those childhood loves hold real insight into what still lights your soul today. Start playing again. Start dreaming again.
5. Choose one soul-aligned action—just for you.
Say no to something that drains you.Say yes to something that inspires you.Rest, without guilt.Sign up for something that’s just for fun.
Do one thing that says:“I matter. I count. I’m choosing myself today.”
Because the truth is: you do. You always have. And now it’s time to live like it.
Here’s what I know now:
Waking up with clarity about where you’re going feels better than trying to make everyone else happy.
Confidence comes when you stop second-guessing and finally trust yourself.
Joy is found in reconnecting with your real self—not the version you’ve been performing for the world.
You are not too old.
You haven’t missed your chance. Your dream is not too far gone.
This isn’t the end—it’s the turning point.So if you’re ready to reclaim your voice, your energy, and your sense of self—I’m right there with you.
Let’s make this next chapter the most aligned one yet. 💫
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